How to Put a Hongbao Price on Priceless Relationships

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Tackling the Hongbao

So here’s the backstory. I wanted to write a blog to give those of us new to handing out hongbaos (or red envelopes) a “how-to” guide. I wanted to create a simple chart with how much to give to each person based on your relationship with them and your income. Simple enough, right? Wrong.

First of all, unlike doing your taxes, there’s no formula anywhere on the internet that shows you how to calculate the amount you put in a hongbao. The closest calculations I could find were part of a marketing campaign from a bank in Singapore from a few years ago. I mean, how do you measure love in RMB?

The (not so simple) chart I set out to create ... 

The chart sparked a heated discussion. “I’m not married so I don’t need to give hongbao”, and “You don’t give hongbao to your siblings if they’re not in school anymore” were just a couple of the many responses I got.

The general consensus was:

• If you’re a student and not working yet, your parents aren’t expecting a hongbao from you nor are your nieces or nephews. In some families, regardless of your age, students are still considered children and will still receive hongbaos from their elders.
• If you’re working, then children of your Chinese colleagues will be expecting hongbaos if you see them on Chinese New Year’s Eve, Day, or if you’re invited to a celebration dinner. Bumping into them on the street doesn’t count.
• If you’re married, you should definitely prepare a hongbao for your in-laws, but rather than coming to us for advice on how much to give, consult your spouse. They’ll know their family's customs much better than us.
• Avoid giving amounts in 4’s (ie: RMB 4, RMB 400, RMB 4,000) because four sounds like “die” in Mandarin.
• Avoid giving amount in odd numbers because locals believe that good things come in pairs.

For most of us during Chinese New Year, it’s not how much to give our in-laws that baffles us, it’s how much to give the people who help make our lives in Beijing that much easier and warmer. How much hongbao do we give our drivers, ayis, kids’ tutors, pet sitter, trainer, etc?

According to one British mom of two living in Shunyi who makes between RMB 500,000 to RMB 1,000,000+ per year, “If my ayi has been with me for more than one year then I am happy give a 13th-month salary. If my ayi has only been with me for six months or so, I’ll give her RMB 3,000. For the kids’ tutor, I will give RMB 2,000.”

The 13th-month salary is a relatively common practice amongst those who have full-time helpers. 

According to an American family with three kids living in CBD with an annual income of between RMB 500,000 to RMB 1,000,000+ per year, “We just give our ayi a 13th-month salary during Chinese New Year.”

But not every family in Beijing is in the same income bracket. 

According to a mixed American and Chinese couple living in CBD with an annual income of between RMB 200,000 to RMB 500,000 per year, “We have a part-time ayi who doesn’t come a regular basis so during Chinese New Year we give her a RMB 500 hongbao. For the nieces and nephews, we only give them a hongbao if we actually see them in person. Sending us a Happy Chinese New Year sticker over WeChat won’t get them a hongbao.”

I know, you were probably hoping for a guide with an exact amount telling you exactly how much to give so that you don’t look stingy but also not giving out too much. I wish we could tell you, I really do. But when it comes to hongbaos, there’s no formula. You need to give the amount you’re actually comfortable with.

But, I will leave you with one tip that I learned from experience. If you attend any dinners or parties during Chinese New Year, always prepare a few extra hongbaos. You don’t need to put a lot of money in them, but just have extras on hand. It’s not uncommon for people to bring their kids unannounced, and you don’t want to see a little kid feel left out of the festivities simply because their parents didn’t RSVP them.

Photos: giphy, unsplash

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